Restorative Justice in Schools: Why Relationships Must Come First

I still remember how awkward it felt, sitting in a staff meeting at a nursery when “staff of the week” was being announced. Everyone else seemed to know the unspoken rules, but I felt like a stranger looking in. That discomfort stayed with me — and as a school we began to reflect more deeply on our own reward and sanction policies. Were they really helping children feel seen, valued, and safe?

At the same time in school, we were supporting children with complex care backgrounds, whose behaviours often felt challenging. It became clear that attachment and attunement were not just “extras” but essential foundations for learning and belonging.

During this journey, we also stumbled across the wonderful Helen Flanagan , whose work offered such rich insight into restorative approaches. Her emphasis on relationships, repair, and reflection connected powerfully with what we were experiencing in school.

Fourteen years ago, as part of my Masters final project, I pulled all these threads together into a whole-school restorative justice initiative. At the time, it felt radical — shifting from a system of punishment and exclusion to one rooted in understanding, accountability, and repair.

Confucius once said:

That’s the heart of restorative justice: mistakes are not the end of the story. They’re the beginning of learning and growth.

All Behaviour is Communication

When a child lashes out, refuses, or withdraws, it’s not simply “bad behaviour.” It’s a message. Often it’s saying, “I don’t feel safe” or “I can’t cope.” If we only punish, we silence the message rather than meet the need.

For neurodiverse learners, this principle is even more crucial. Many children with autism, ADHD, sensory processing differences, or communication needs are often misunderstood. Their behaviours may be adaptations — attempts to regulate, avoid overload, or express distress in the only way available to them. Without safety and the chance to be heard, those behaviours escalate. With safety and voice, those same children can thrive.

Safety, belonging, and being understood aren’t luxuries. For neurodiverse learners, they are the foundations on which education is built.

Why This Matters for Long-Term Outcomes

The way schools respond to behaviour shapes lives. Trauma-informed, relational, and neurodiverse-friendly approaches not only reduce exclusions and improve wellbeing — they ripple out into society.

• Fewer children disengage.

• Fewer fall through the cracks into the justice system.

• More grow into adults who know how to repair harm, sustain relationships, and contribute positively to their communities.

When schools create spaces where every learner feels safe and heard, they are investing in far more than behaviour management — they are shaping the kind of society we all want to live in.

Education should not only deliver academic outcomes, but also shape compassionate, resilient humans. Restorative justice helps us to do just that. When we treat behaviour as communication, mistakes as learning, and relationships as the foundation, we create schools that don’t just “manage” behaviour — they transform it.

As I discovered 14 years ago, restorative justice isn’t soft. It’s strong, sustainable, and deeply human. And for neurodiverse learners in particular, it can mean the difference between surviving school — and truly belonging in it.